Tinder as an Asian American woman

The re-telling of my brief experience on Tinder: the types of guys I encountered, lessons I've learned (affection vs. attention), and my take on romance through a cell phone screen.



Tinder as an Asian-American Woman: HARD PASS

I never intended to end up as another profile on Tinder, but a lonely New Year’s Eve due to cancelled plans can make a girl do some impulsive things. I lasted a solid month on that godforsaken app before I realized that – true to its pink and orange flame logo – it was a HOT MESS. Apart from the dumpster fire of dudes who tried to strike up meaningless conversation, it wasn’t a complete waste of time. I picked up some gems about the online-dating world along the way that I hope can help all my ladies out there going through it – especially my Asian sisters.


TWO OF THE MOST COMMON TRASH DUDES TO AVOID

1. The Pretentious Asshole/Mansplainer

This is the guy who gets a kick out of giving condescending lectures and not-so-humble bragging. I once had a guy unsuccessfully mansplain to me how Santa Fe (the community college he was attending) was a better school than the University of Florida… No shade to my people in community college, but there is no debate to be had over Santa Fe’s education compared to UF’s. The mansplainer may just seem really “intelligent” or “well-spoken” at first, so be careful if a guy is consistently dominating the conversation without consideration for your input.


Source: 2019 Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

2. The Most-er

This is the guy who over-showers you with compliments, plans for a relationship, and amazing dates (he be doing the most) …only to never be heard from again a week later. The most-er may seem like “the one” and “in it for the long run” at first, so be careful if a guy seems a little too perfect or committed right out the gate.



SIGNS HE JUST HAS AN ASIAN FETISH

1. He outright admits it.



2. He makes plans with you that exclusively coincide with what his romanticized idea of Asian culture is

There’s more to Asian culture than just eating phở and drinking boba, boo boo!


3. He makes glorified assumptions about your unique experience as an Asian-American as if he is somehow an expert

“I’m sure you’re doing amazing in school.” – Um…who said I was good at school?

“You’re so lucky you grew up with strict parents who taught you self-discipline.” – LOL, who said I had strict parents…or self-discipline?


LESSONS I LEARNED

1. There is a difference between attention and affection

“Paying attention is doing a transaction; showing affection is making a connection.” – Amanda Seales

Click here for a video that will change your perspective on those "precious" good morning texts.


2. No company is better than bad company

I’d rather be chilling at home alone enjoying reruns of “Boy Meets World” than be eating out with a guy who lacks the social skills to keep a conversation going.


Source: GIPHY

3. There’s plenty of fish in the sea

Being on an app with hundreds of thousands of other people, I realized that I wasn’t alone in wanting to make a genuine connection with someone. This gave me faith that there are plenty of good people out there for those people who are looking. Don’t ever settle on spending time with someone who doesn’t feel like the right match for you.


4. Don’t get caught up

Life is so much more than swiping in search of a human connection. Sure, meeting new people that you normally wouldn’t meet in your day-to-day life can be fun, but make sure to keep your eyes open beyond your cell phone screen. Don’t lose focus on what’s real.


Online-dating can be a HOT MESS for some or a fun way to pass the time for others. I hope my mostly-disastrous experience helps you in your future relationships whether you decide to join the online-dating world…or not.